I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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