I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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