I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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