i'm signing you up for texting rehab
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize