He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize