You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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