Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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