I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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