Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize