hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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