New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize