im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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