nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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