I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
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in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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