Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My life is pants optional.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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