Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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