Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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