This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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