a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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