she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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