I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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