Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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