the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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