i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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