you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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