can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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