she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm too high and old for this...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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