ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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