So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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