I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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