guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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