I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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