Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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