dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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