when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize