i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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