i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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