So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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