i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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