It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize