i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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