White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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