your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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