the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize