The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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