he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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