I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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