Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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