all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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