how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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